A whole lotta Family Guy quotes goin’ on

Stewie Griffin: Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I’ll give you a hint. It’s in my diaper and it’s not a toaster.

Brian Griffin: Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

Peter Griffin: Lois, when I’m through with them, our kids will be so smart, they’ll be able to program their own VCRs without spilling piping hot gravy all over myself.

Stewie Griffin: Am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here!

Stewie Griffin: What’s this? Blueberries? Oh, oh my G…oh, that’s better than sex!

Peter Griffin: Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that.

Stewie Griffin: You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence… gotta get me some of that.

Lois Griffin: Peter! You’re bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Aw, c’mon Lois, isn’t ‘bribe’ just another word for ‘love’?

Stewie Griffin: Do these huggies make my ass look big?

[Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus]
German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany’s contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, about your pamphlet… uh, I’m not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There’s just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich’s first city hall, erected in 15…
Brian Griffin: Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and…
Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian Griffin: You can’t just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism’s stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian Griffin: A Dairy Queen? That’s preposterous.
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland. You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany. [Throws his hand up in a Hitler salute.]
Brian Griffin: Uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: [Snapping out of it] Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.