Some awesome Family Guy quotes

Peter, I like you. But I need you to be more than just eye candy around here.
Mr. Weed

Ooh…you’re bending it…
Neil to Lois as she straddles him

Hey Brian! I turned the stairs into a waterslide!
(after Peter falls down the waterslide) I’m not going to call an ambulance this time because if I do you won’t learn anything.
Peter and Brian

Please go out with me. I’m just trying to make Neil jealous. I promise I’ll pay and everything.
Yeah…uhh…that sounds cool but I’m gonna be in the hospital that night. (shoots himself in the stomach with a nail gun)
Meg and boy, “8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter”

Can I…Can I touch your hair? I’m gonna do it…I’m gonna touch it. Ooohoohoo it’s like a sheep.
Stewie to Cleveland, “The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire”

My fellow Americans, I have not been entirely truthful with you. I did giggittygiggydoo that girl. I gashmogied her gaflabity with my googus. And I am sorry.
Quagmire, “The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire”

I didn’t know there was going to be an open bar, and the guy really knew his stuff! He made me a mojito. I don’t think it’s a gay drink. Mo-ji-to…
Brian, “Brian the Bachelor”

Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you… very homosexually.
Peter, “Lethal Weapon”

Lois, my penis belongs on stage!
Peter, ” The King is Dead”

I’m not gonna kill those kids. If they die I’ll have nothing to watch on Wednesdays… other than the fine programs on Fox.
Peter, “Death is a Bitch”

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