Jake and the Fatman

JAKE and THE FATMAN look over a crime scene. Jake inspects something on the floor. The Fatman sits in a chair across the room, breathing with a bit of difficulty.

JAKE
Hey, look over here on the carpet. That’s a cigarette butt. This is probably evidence.

THE FATMAN
Oh. (STUTTERS) What do you think was in that danish? You think it was it cheese? ‘Cause I, uh, I got a little problem with cheese.

JAKE
Hey, I’m talkin’ about evidence here. There’s lipstick on it.

THE FATMAN
Yeah, well, uh, can you bring it over to me?

JAKE
I can’t move it, this is a crime scene.

THE FATMAN
Well, uh, wel, can you describe it to me?

JAKE
You know what, forget it. I’ll take care of this, okay?

THE FATMAN
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Just, uh, just… just let me close my eyes for a minute.

JAKE
Look, I know his wife is a smoker. Just yesterday when we saw her at the Country Club she had a cigarette in her hand.

The Fatman snores. He’s fast asleep.

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